Friday, February 24, 2012

Question: Are You Interested in Your Husband?


You are in the kitchen, fixing cheesy shells again for supper. While stirring, you are holding the baby and feeding him puffs. Just as your toddler rounds the corner wearing only his diaper, you hear from the living room the sound of the five-year-old dumping out an entire storage container of Legos. 

As you struggle to balance the baby in one arm and remove supper dishes from the cabinet with the other, your husband comes home from work. He gives you a kiss on the cheek and you ask dutifully, “How was your day?” The Hubs responds with a long and less than scintillating story involving multi-variate correlation analysis. 

You –

a.       Respond with “Yeah, yeah. Wow. I can’t believe it. Do you want green beans or corn with supper tonight?”

b.      Hand him the baby while you listen with one ear, making sure to mm-hm and grunt in just the right places.

c.       Give him all your listening attention, ask questions, and empathize with his difficult day.

d.      Fluff the pillow in his easy chair and bring him his slippers and the newspaper.

Which is your answer? Is there another option?




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10 comments:

  1. Ouch...I'm afraid #2 is too often my story. That is my biggest area of failure. There are other options, and I need to use them. :-)

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  2. Stephanie -- I'm afraid #2 is often my response as well. There is just always so much going on! I'll pray for you; you pray for me. Thanks!

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  3. Eeek, I'm going to be honest and tell you my response would be #2 as well. I always think about this and how about how much I need to improve. Thank you for sharing this reminder for all of us.

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    1. Thanks, Jessica. I like (?) writing these questions because it makes me examine what my response would be among all the options. I often wonder if I should have responded differently in different situations, and I thought I would share that on the blog.

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  4. Good scenario! This is a great post!

    I used to want my hubby to Help Me with the children when he got home from work, until I realized that God created me to be HIS helper!! Then, I accepted help when it was offered gratefully -- but it changed my expectations! It definitely transformed my marriage!

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    1. My hubby truly has the gift of service, and it is so easy to depend on his help. I remind myself often of what our roles are to be.

      Thanks for the comment!

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    2. Hmmm, not sure it's wrong to ask your husband for help if you need it or to depend on it. Just because we are called "helpers" does not mean that we are never helped by them or never need help. When the Bible says, "Love your wives," is service not included in love? So I wouldn't feel a bit guilty about depending on your husband's help. "Helper" is a basic default role, in my understanding anyway.

      The other thing to remember is that the children belong to BOTH of you. Nowhere in Scripture does it say that the woman has to do most of the childcare, especially when both are home.

      Anyway (sry!) in answer to your question, I would listen to him about his day and respond, but that's my strength. If I were too busy at the moment, I would not ask him about his day yet. Whenever we do things "dutifully" that's a red flag that our hearts aren't in it and that we need to re-evaluate and approach it differently. In this situation, get dinner done, let him know what he can do to "save" you in that moment if he's open to it, and ask him about his day when you can really focus on him (at least a little more ;) ) Just my 2 cents.

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    3. I agree with you -- the children belong to both of us! I think so much of it depends on the attitude of the husband. What if a husband just doesn't want the childcare responsibilities and wants the attention of his wife when he gets home? I'm not saying that is right, but some are like that. You make a good point too about it being a heart issue! So glad you took the time to comment today!

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  5. Mine would just take the baby, always willing to help, he is. I'm afraid, though, that'd I'd probably answer with a 1. His talk tends to go way over my head, then I'm all mmm hmmm what do you want for supper? Terrible! Certainly something I need to work on.

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  6. Treat him always as you would your dearest friend. Many times when we hear the term, "dearest friend," we think female. Sad that we do not think first of hubby. But, use that frame of mind and train that mind. And let the mind of Christ dwell in our hearts richly. Husbands just need a little r-e-s-p-e-c-t! It goes a long way. Uh-huh.

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I so much appreciate your time and effort in leaving a comment, and I try to respond to as many as time permits. :-)