Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Six ways to stay attractive to your husband in an amusement park of immodesty



The temperatures are rising, and clothes are coming off. My family had a sudden reminder of this universal truth of summer when we spent two weeks in hot, sunny Florida in May. I am no longer what I was, and, as we walked through SeaWorld, I fell into despondency. Everywhere I looked there were women, both younger than me and about my age who seemed more physically fit, prettier, better dressed, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

I can’t compete in the attractiveness department any longer, I complained to myself. You’re on the downhill slope. Your husband is pretty loyal, so he probably won’t trade you in for a younger model. But don’t kid yourself. He’d be happier with someone else.

Sickening, right? I didn’t want to be around me, so I could just imagine how my husband felt.

And then I realized it. I’m the one my husband chose. (I know…shocker.) He enjoys my company. Why wasn’t I encouraging that? (I’m not stupid. I’ve had this revelation before, but sometimes we all need a kick in the skirt.)

Whether you adhere to any standards of modesty or not, you probably don’t want your husband staring at the business end of another girl’s undergarment and its’ contents. (I apologize for the bluntness. Blame the girl.)


(source)
Here are six suggestions.

Wear an outfit he likes. There have been plenty of times when I have returned or donated an item of clothing I loved because my husband didn’t like it on me. I would be shooting myself in the foot if I insisted on wearing an outfit he didn’t like to look at.

Smile. It sounds simple, I know. But think about it. Those college girls may have curves you don’t have, or not have curves you do have, but one of your most attractive features is your smile. And your husband likes your smile. Besides, you may be the only one smiling at him.

Flirt. This includes complimenting and appreciating him. If he holds the door for you and the baby stroller, say thank you…with a flirty smile or an eyelash flutter. If he pushes the stroller up a steep hill, let him know you admire his muscles. If he changes a mean diaper, tell him how much you appreciate it.

Share a private joke. Every couple has secret jokes – things that make each other laugh that no one else understands. I would share one here, but then it wouldn’t be private anymore. J This can bring his focus back to you and your history together.

Use a signal. If you have a husband who is sensitive to the issue of immodesty, develop a signal so that you can alert him to avert his eyes when necessary. I tell my husband that I really like his shoes or that I think he needs a new pair of shoes. He then knows to look away or down. (If you’re not sure how your husband feels about this whole topic, perhaps this is a good time to talk to him. Share your concerns, and, if he is willing, you two can develop your own signal.)

Pray. Unceasingly. (1 Thessalonians 5:17) ‘Nuff said.

~Meghan

Which of these works for you? Any new ideas you’re going to try? Or do you have something to add? If anyone sells husband blinders, please put your link in the comments below! 


Other posts in this series:
Do you feel pretty? ~ Lilla Rose giveaway
Six ways to stay attractive to your husband ~ coming home


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39 comments:

  1. These are ALL fantastic ideas!! I honestly can't think of anything better to do to help out our husbands in this area than what you've suggested. I like the idea of having a signal...might just bring that up with my husband this evening. :) Thanks for this!

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    1. Thanks, Jaimie, for your kind words. I'm praying that your signal works out.

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  2. First of all, I want to thank you for not approaching the topic of weight. The last "why your husband doesn't desire you" type of post I read on a Christian blog was centered around the weight issue, and it really bothered me, because as an overweight woman, I can promise you that I already know this and don't need someone else to point it out :) lol.

    Anyway, those are all great ideas. I have been thinking more and more about wearing skirts only (not because I feel it's a Biblical mandate, but for other reasons as I've seen lots of thought-provoking blog posts on the topic through link ups...but my husband is really against it and HATES skirts, even trendy ones. Since I don't feel it's a command, I have been just waiting patiently and praying for God to show us both what's best. All that to say that I agree with wearing things my husband enjoys :)

    I love your signal idea. I know that my husband would appreciate that as well. I, on the other hand, would probably be driven to look just out of curiosity! lol.

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    1. I struggle with weight myself, Crystal. I chastise myself enough in my head -- I don't need to broadcast it on my blog! :)

      I've been wearing skirts exclusively for about ten years, since the Lord took us through a spiritual crisis. The transition wasn't difficult for me, though, because I have always like wearing skirts. I hated the feel and the exposure of shorts, but I wore them because everyone else did. My husband was reluctant with skirts at first -- he thought they looked uncomfortable. Like they would get in the way of life. But he knew I thought the Lord was leading me that way, so he agreed to a trial. It wasn't long and he saw that skirts were actually more comfortable because they eliminated all the tightness around the legs and bottom. Anyway, I've written a book here, and all that just to say that you should do whatever the Lord and your husband would have you to do.

      Thanks, again, for joining the conversation!

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  3. This an amazing post! My husband loves when I curl my hair so I do that to let him know I am thinking about him and catch his eye ;) I love your ideas to smile and pray. Both are such beautiful traits. Great post!

    Carly @ ryandcar.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks, Carly! So glad you stopped by and left your suggestion -- hope to see you again!

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    2. I think that's a key as well--that even if it's a physical thing, it goes beyond the physical. My husband likes it if I put on a little lip gloss or whatever to "fix myself up"...and I use the term very lightly..but even more than the lip gloss is the confidence boost that he knows I did it for him and because I love him :)

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  4. excellent post!! I thought I was the only one who felt badly at times. thanks!

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    1. It's tough to admit! But I think most women have doubts every now and then. Thanks for commenting!

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  5. Great tips, Meghan. When there are immodest women in the vicinity of my hubby, I try to get him to keep his eyes on me...and distract him from looking "elsewhere". But like I said yesterday, sometimes, I find myself thinking, "I can't compete with that". Keep up the good work on this topic - I'm loving this series. :)
    Grace to you!

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    1. Thanks for coming back, Lisa. You make an excellent point -- distract him...with you.

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  6. These are great ideas! I love your honesty. Thanks for the encouraging tips.

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    1. Thank you, Theresa. It hurts to be honest sometimes, but I've been encouraged by other's honesty. It's my turn now! :)

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  7. My husband doesn't care about what I wear. I don't wear anything provocative and I wear pants most of the time. He says as long as I am happy he is fine with whatever I wear.

    I do know that he loves to see me smile. And the private jokes or secrets are a great way to have intimacy with one another in a public place. I like to call him "my hero" when he does something for me like change a diaper, fix something or mop a floor. He is my hero!!!

    Part of being married is sharing all those special moments with your partner without fear of rejection. I have become so much more secure and confident in who I am AFTER I married my husband. Like Jesus does with His church, my husband has transformed me. Again He is my hero! :)

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    1. I completely understand that increase in confidence after getting married. The security in someone committing to me no matter what is tremendous. And I love your tie-in to faith -- Jesus commits to us, and that is the ultimate security. So blessed by your comments today, Tereza!

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  8. Hi Meghan,
    Your blog is fantastic! So glad to discover you today! I love this post and discussion about this important issue. Hope you are having a blessed day!

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    1. Thanks so much for stopping by, Mrs. Smith, and thanks for the follow! The discussion continues...hope you can come back later.

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  9. My husband finds me most attractive when I accept his compliments sincerely, and walk in the confidence that attracted him to me. He never complains about my hair, my clothes, my weight, or even my homemaking skills (or lack of), but one thing that makes him insane is when he compliments me and I respond with a negative comment about myself. I am working on that becaue I know that makes me more attractive to him, and because I'm crazy in love with him. Even after 15 years. :-)

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    1. Our husbands sound a lot alike, Stephanie. I don't know why it takes us so long to figure it out, but our husbands don't like it when we beat ourselves up! Thanks for joining the conversation.

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  10. Great post and such an important issue. Glad to find you today from the Encourage One Another link up:) Blessings to you!
    ~Heather @ourcultivatedlife

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    1. Thanks for dropping by, Heather! I love your sign-off. Blessings to you, too!

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  11. Thanks for your post. I didn't realize other women felt this way. When I compare myself to other better groomed, more fit and toned women, I usually come up short. i appreciate the encouragement to make mself attractive to my husband.

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    1. So glad you found it helpful, Angie. Thanks for commenting!

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  12. I agree to your advice. I follow it and it does work. Thanks for sharing this.

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  13. Great post and very timely for me. I spent a chunk of time late last night looking at macys website in desperation to find a suit that would be modest and flattering. (I came up empty-handed). My prideful self has held me back from doing fun things with my husband and kids (like going to a pool) because I am not 120 pounds anymore.

    The reminder to smile was excellent. I actually write that at the top of my daily to do list (smile often)!

    Thank you!

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    1. I'm not thrilled with my shape either, these days, but my husband and children don't really notice it like I do. What they do notice is when I sit out of activities or when I am negative about myself or when I don't smile. Excellent point about pride! Thanks for sharing.

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  14. What a great post. I often do the same thing you do, think negative in my head. Just yesterday my husband said, "I wish you wore more skirts." I did go skirt only about a year ago. It really made me feel more feminine. I often ask myself why did I stop? You have given me a lot to pray about. Thank you!!

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    1. Thanks for your kind comment, Jen. I'll be praying with you.

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  15. Hilarious! But some great tips to help us focus on our roll as wives. I like the part about how you have taken outfits back that your husband doesn't care for even though you liked them. I don't want to attract anyone but my husbands attention and I want to captivate him. I would love to cut my hair short, but I know my husband would hate it. He has to look at me more than I do, so I figure I should make that a little easier for him. I would love if you would link this post up at my Mom's Library Link up. I am a new follower. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Good point about how our husbands have to look at us more than we do. I often think that, but I guess the thought didn't make it out of my head and into the post. Thanks for commenting, and thanks for the link up opportunity!

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  16. Very cute! Simple things that are SO easy to forget, especially through the comfort state of marriage and having small children! I found you via the Mom's Library link-up and am happy to be your newest follower! I'd love for you to visit me back at http://www.two-in-diapers.blogspot.com! :)

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    1. Thank you, Cassie. And I'm going to visit right now....

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  17. Love this post! I had never thought about a signal before, very handy tip. Now following you via google friend.

    Www.cumminslife.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you, Kathryn. So glad it was helpful. And thanks for following!

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  18. Okay, I'm legitimately commenting on a thread that's almost 2 years old... here we go! :)

    I'm a practising Muslim, and we seem to share the same concerns about the topic. I've never thought about giving a signal before, and yours sounds very effective and subtle at the same time :) Thanks for the tip!

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  19. These are wonderful tips.
    Although my husband and I have only been married for 4 years, we have known each other for more than 30. We have many private jokes we share as well as a lot of flirting flowing back and forth. Not to say we don't have our bumps, but we always talk, even if we first must walk away to cool down - at least that way we never have to worry about saying something we may regret.
    I like the idea of the code word for avoiding uncomfortable public situations. We have used this in private settings, especially during a sensitive conversation or possible confrontation with one of the children. It has worked well, and I would recommend expounding on this when needed.
    Thank you for sharing!

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  20. Ok, the shoe thing is totally cute. :) I'll have to try that. Sometimes I want to just cover my husband's eyes with my hand... I guess that's not the best idea? ;)

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I so much appreciate your time and effort in leaving a comment, and I try to respond to as many as time permits. :-)