Friday, October 17, 2014

Dear Dad {on the eve of my widowed mother’s wedding}

Dear Dad,

It’s hard to believe it’s been nearly five years since we said our last goodbye. Had I known that Wednesday evening would be the last I’d ever see your lopsided smile and hear your deep voice tell me you love me, I would have lingered a little longer. We were late as it was and the children were getting antsy, but I would have defied the hospital visiting rules and hugged a little longer. According to the statistics for paraplegics, you had a good, long life. But I’ve never cared for statistics, and I wasn’t ready.


A lot has happened since then.

We’ve had another baby. A beautiful boy who is now three years old. We even gave him your name – my maiden name – as his middle name.

I started writing again. Stories of love and overcoming hardship and redemption. Writing your obituary is, in fact, what inspired me to get back to my college love. I miss having someone to talk about books and the law with.

We’ve built a house, one big enough for our large family, and we hope to move in soon. It’s weighed heavy on my mind more than once that we don’t need to build a ramp out front for your wheelchair.

And Mom’s getting married. Tomorrow.

I was shocked when she first brought him around, as I imagine so many other adult children of widowed parents are in the same circumstances. My 81yo mother with a boyfriend? “This is wrong,” my spirit cried out. “What about my father? Her husband of more than 52 years?” It wasn’t that long ago we celebrated your Golden Anniversary. When you passed away, Dad, I couldn’t believe that I was the only one who wanted a memorial service for you.

So tomorrow, I return to that same chapel. The last time I was there, your empty wheelchair stood on the platform with your photo propped in the seat. Tomorrow, my brother and I will walk Mom down the aisle to give her away to a man who is not our father. I’m human, so I have to admit that I’ve cried, grieving for you all over again.

And yet…. I can see that this is good for Mom. She’ll have a companion again. Someone to go out to eat with, to go to church with, to be there with her in the late night hours of loneliness.

Her macular degeneration has become much worse since you’ve been gone, Dad. She can’t drive now, and she can’t read labels at the grocery store. But her soon-to-be husband can. They’re good together.

Maybe some would accuse me of being overly emotional. I’ve been told I’m a sensitive person, whatever that means. So I’ll wrap this up and just say goodbye. Again. As I say hello to a stepfather tomorrow.

I love you, now and forever.

Your daughter,
Meghan




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14 comments:

  1. Very touching!!! GOD BLESS!!!

    Charlotte Moore

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    1. Thank you, friend. I appreciate your consistent encouragement here! :-)

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  2. I must be overly emotional and sensitive also, because this brought tears to my eyes! God bless you and your family!

    Jessica

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    1. Thank you, Jessica. Many blessings to you as well! :-)

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  3. Aw, this brought tears to my eyes. Love how you've been given the grace to see everything in the right perspective! God bless!

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words! :-)

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  4. I am pregnant so maybe that is why I'm so emotional but I just cried my eyes out while reading your post! So touching!

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  5. Wow, what else is there to say what a wonderful post. My Dad passed away 5 years ago with Mum going the following year. Please be blessed to still have your mum and may her new husband bring you all joy and love. Blessings and thank you for sharing.

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  6. Beautiful, Meghan. My grandmother didn't remarry ... she got lonely and bugged my uncle (her son) way too much. She went downhill so fast. I will always wonder if she had found another ... if maybe she would have lasted a bit longer. I know God knows our days ... and our decisions ... but I'll always wonder. I know it's hard though. You are in my prayers. And I pray this man becomes someone very special to you ... that your heart will open and give him a chance ... and I know you will or already have. You are a beautiful friend.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Shelli. My heart is open. We'll see what God has in the future! :-)

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  7. Oh, Meghan, this is just so touching. The tears are streaming down my cheeks. I pray that God will do wonderful things for your mom, her husband and your entire family. I know your dad is just so proud of you and what you have become.

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  8. Loved reading this. Praying for comfort with this next stage of life.

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